Sunny Side Up

The last few days have me questioning the new medicine that Bailey was started on about two weeks ago.  There has been an increase in defiant behavior that leaves me feeling overwhelmed.  I have heard the advice just buckle down harder, set stricter limits but that often backfires and erupts into something neither one of us can get a handle on.  This is the Bailey that people see the most of, unfortunately.

They don't see the Bailey that brings Sophie a blanket to cuddle up with on the sofa when she isn't feeling good.  The don't see the Bailey that helps set the table.  The Bailey that sings even when he doesn't know the words and dances just to make me laugh.  The Bailey that holds elevator doors open and waits to be the last one off.  The Bailey that baby talks to babies.  The Bailey that creates masterpieces out of milk cartons and bottle caps.  The Bailey that wants to know everything about everything.

Sometimes, I don't see those good things either.  When  it all seems like too much and it is hard to find the positive.  Those are the times I really should look harder for the sunshine hiding behind the clouds.  Without clouds there would be no sunshine.

Foggy

I understand how some people can just dismiss ADHD as bad parenting.  But, what they don't understand is the difference between won't and can't.  ADHD makes a lot of can'ts.  Can't keep your hands from drumming on the desk even though the teacher has warned you about it many, many times.  Can't stop yourself from hitting even though you will get punished for it.  Can't stop your mind from jumping to subject to subject even if it means you miss important information. 

All of the can'ts make relationships pretty hard.  Add to that a pretty heavy helping of low self confidence and it can make the smallest of tasks seem like climbing Mount Everest.  And, Bailey has to do that every single day just to do normal day to day things.  No wonder he collapses into bed every night, asleep almost before his head hits the pillow.

As much as I struggle with Bailey's ADHD, I know that he struggles ten times harder.  Sometimes I wish ADHD was an illness that you could see like  a scratched up knee.  Then, it would be easy to tell whether the medicine was working or a new strategy is needed.  Wash it off, add a little antibacterial spray and a band aid and wait.  Simple.  (Yes, I realize this is an extreme overgeneralization.)  With ADHD things are far from simple and I am just beginning to understand how complicated it really is.

First Step, Taken

First of all, thanks so much to all of you for your comments and e-mails. I really appreciate them.

Yesterday, was an icebreaker of sorts. I had no idea what to expect and the best thing that I could think of to tell Bailey was, "We are going to talk to some people." Bailey's reaction? "While you talk, can I play at the park?"

Bailey's wish was somewhat granted. After the therapist/ counsellor asked Bailey tons of questions- ranging from what is your address to what school subjects do you like to what do you think of your teacher and more- he got to go with another counsellor to the play room while we had a chance to speak with the therapist/ counsellor privately.

It felt a little like I was betraying Bailey's confidence. Like I was being a tattle tale. I just had to keep repeating to myself that I was doing this to help, not hurt, Bailey. It hurts to have to label your child as having problems dealing with anger- we still deal with temper tantrums almost daily and periods of emotional tsunamis that I am sure sometimes are going to drown us all. At school, his behavior is mostly the same, which left his teacher saying, "I don't want to have to reprimand Bailey multiple times a day, but I have to because I care about him."

I know the feeling.

Hopefully, we are on our way to something better.

The First Step

I figured if I just waited it out, it would get better.

I figured that if I was more patient, things would be easier.

I figured wrong. Things have not gotten better, nor have they gotten easier.

If it had been a cough that had lingered, unresolved, all this time, I would have gone to the doctor long ago. I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But, this is something totally different. Something that isn't easy for me to share because there are so many feelings tangled up in it. Guilt. Blame. Fear. Stress.

So, tomorrow, we will take the first step. A counselling session, to help figure out the best course of action to get things back on track at school and at home. The first step is always the hardest.

Adjusting

We all made it safe and sound to Texas and are about one week into our stay. With the exception of a few late night play sessions and midnight snacks the kids seem to be dealing with jet lag really well. They like playing in Michelle's back yard and enjoying the space and freedom of a big house instead of a little apartment.

There were baskets full of chocolate and a few toys this morning and we will be having turkey and trimmings for dinner. Plastic eggs meant for hiding are filled with dirt and grass a la Bailey and Sophie and litter the back yard. This is Bailey and Sophie's first Easter in the States and their baskets ae still full of candy. I don't think they realize that there are chocolates and jelly beans in those plastic eggs in their baskets. Just wait until they find out. . . . .

Maybe It Is A Good Thing I Can't Talk. . . .

Thanks to the cold that never seems to want to end, I haven't been able to talk for the last few days. I feel like some kind of Flipper freak; when I do try to talk it is mostly screeches. It has been really cold here lately and so I have been using the heater all night long. Mainly because the kids don't want to stay under the covers and no matter how many layers of clothes I put on them, they always wake up with ice cold feet and noses. To compensate, I try not to use the heater at all during the day. When we are up and moving around we really don't feel it as much. I knew that our electricity bill would be high but I didn't think it would be $200 high. That is the highest electricity bill we have ever had!! It makes me just wanna. . . . . SCREECH!!! But, i guess there is nothing we can do but pay it and learn from it.

Bailey seems to find my current condition extremely funny. He keeps saying "what, huh, say that again?!?!?" whenever I try to talk. Oh he's a funny one, isn't it? Another favorite of Bailey's recently happens almost everyday at breakfast. He goes around the table and asks everyone, "How old are you today?" All of that culminated in this scene from today as we were shopping for Sophie's birthday present.

M: I think we should get a dollhouse for Sophie.
B: What?
M: A dollhouse. (Gesturing frantically to the dollhouses.)
B: Mommy, look, a dollhouse for Sophie! And this can be Bailey's room!!
I liked the medium sized house they had on display, but I couldn't find one on the shelf, so I called a clerk over to help.
M: Do you have any of these medium sized dollhouses in the back?
C: I'm sorry. I couldn't understand you. Could you repeat that again.
B: You can't understand her because she is old. She's 31!!!

Can't take that kid anywhere, can I?

A-ensoku-ing We Will Go

You look left there's a group of them being led by an older student. You look right there's another group lined up wearing the same color hat. This can only mean one thing it is field trip (ensoku) season in Japan.

Sophie had hers today- a trip to the farm to dig up sweet potatoes. The note from the teacher said that eating a freshly baked sweet potato was Sophie's favorite part of the trip. That's my girl!!

Bailey is off to the local zoo tomorrow and he is excited as can be. We have to leave earlier than usual tomorrow morning and so I was trying to get a few extra things checked off my list before I gave the kids a bath. Bailey had the what-to-bring list memorized and he stood beside me saying check as I put it all out on the table. A plastic bag for garbage? Check. A wet towel for cleaning up after lunch? Check. A picnic sheet for eating lunch on? Check. One by one they went into his Thomas (of course) backpack. I don't know if he is more excited about seeing all the animals or just getting to be out with all his friends. Whatever the reason, it got him into a bed in record time tonight.

I know that a trip to dig up sweet potatoes and going to the zoo are fairly common field trips -anyone else have a field trip story to share??

That Explains A Lot!

"If it was the heat or the noise,
(S)he didn't have too much to say."

(Anybody know what song that is from??)

Today because of a teacher's meeting in the afternoon, pre-school let out before lunch. One of the Mom's at our bus stop said that she had just made some homemade bread and that she needed help eating it.

Enough said. Three hungry pre-schoolers and three hungry mamas later the bread was gone.

The kids went off to play in another room and the mama's were left to enjoy the silence (and a couple bites of delicious cheese cake. There was only one slice so we divided it three ways.)

After a while, even the kids fell silent. That's when we knew something was up. The quiet before the storm, if you will.

The playroom door was shut. One of the other Moms opened the door and we saw all three kids laying on the floor looking up at the ceiling.

"What's wrong?" I asked Bailey.

"Mama, it is too hot to even think about playing," he replied, fanning himself with a picture book.

And, that folks, just about says it all.

A Brother And His Sister

A trying day to say the least. Too many things went wrong and not enough got done. And, then I heard giggling coming from the laundry room. A peek around the corner revealed Bailey in nothing and Sophie with her onesie stuck on her head and one side of her diaper undone. One more tug by Bailey and Sophie was free from her onesie and managed to wiggle out of her diaper.

"Now," Bailey announced in his big boy, I'm-the-older-brother voice, "You put your dirty clothes in here and your diaper in the trash. Go on, try it."

Sophie obliged and Bailey clapped his hands and said, "You are such a good girl, Sophie. Now I am gonna give us a bath cause Mommy's tired."

Sophie nodded her head in agreement and I watched them walk hand in hand to the shower room.

A trying day with a perfect ending.

Sensitive Soul

When I was little, I used to cry at the drop of the hat. Sensitive? A cry baby? Whatever it was I am paying for it now.

Tears are not uncommon around here for Bailey. Let's take today for example:

*"Bailey I think your shirt is on backwards," I said trying to help him get it turned around.
"But I did my best," he said bursting into tears.
(and so the shirt stayed on backwards until it was time to take a bath)

*Walking to the dry cleaners to pick up Hub's work shirts, Bailey wants to hold Sophie's hand, but she pushes Bailey's hand away- tears.

*"That hurts, Bailey. Stop pinching my arm."- tears

So, when I heard crying coming from the bathroom earlier this evening, I wondered what in the world had happened. Cautiously, I approached the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Bailey, what's wrong?"

"Look, Mommy, look," he said pointing to the bath mat. Somehow it had gotten flipped over and pushed to one side. "I can't fix it."

"Ok," I said getting down on my hands and knees, "Let's fix it together."

Before I could even start, he threw his arms around my neck and said, "Love you, sweet Mommy!" (And for me, there were almost tears.....)

Who Says Men Don't Notice????

Yesterday, with both kids in day care, I decided to get a haircut and a manicure after my Japanese class. A little pink nail polish and a little trim around the ears later, I even had time to squeeze in a little shopping.

Flash forward.

I was making dinner when Bailey came into the kitchen.

He looked in the vegetable bin for strawberries and finding none, he turned to me. He started to say something then stopped. He took my hand in his and turned it to get a view from every possible angle.

"That pink is so pretty on you, Mommy," he smiled up at me.

"Thanks, Bailey," I replied.

"You are the cutest Mommy!" he giggled before stealing a slice of carrot and another little piece of my heart.

A Spaghetti Sauce Stain In The Shape Of Me

As I write this, Hubs is sitting on the living room floor surrounded by birthday cards, bills and credit card statements. He is organizing. Painstakingly, thoroughly organizing.

No wonder then, that we it is time to pick up the toys, Bailey insists that all the blue blocks have to be separated from the yellow blocks that are separated from the green blocks. He remembers that the monkey that squawks when you push it's tummy goes in the same box with the rattle that Sophie likes so much.

And, he is not afraid to tell you if you put something in the wrong place, no siree Bob.

That's another way he is like his Daddy. A straight talker. He's gonna tell you like it is, shoot straight from his hip, lay it all on the line.

I could go for weeks without finding that little something that says he is also part of me. I found it tonight at Denny's. His shirt covered with spaghetti sauce and his hands greasy from french fries, he fussed when Hubs tried to wipe his face.

"It's ok, Daddy," he said, "Mommy likes dirty and I do, too!"

Where's A Tissue When You Need It????

Runny noses. A sign that winter has arrived in our house.

I was helping Bailey put on his pajamas before bed tonight when he decided to use my arm as a tissue.

"Bailey," I said, "Don't do that. That's gross."

"OK, then how about this?" he asked blowing his nose into his hand.

I can see we have a long way to go.

Bailey's Little Star

Compassion. I have often wondered how to teach my children this. One of the things that I admire most about my own mother is her ability to hold the hand of an elderly relative even when they can't remember who she is or to lend a helping hand even when it is inconvenient. I want my children to know the joy that comes with giving of yourself, but I had my doubts as to whether the message was getting through.

So, imagine my surprise to find Bailey rubbing his great grandmother's head and singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to her as she drifted off to sleep. He then pulled the blanket up under her chin and turned off the overhead light.

Sometimes the student becomes the teacher.

Somewhere, Super Nanny Is Watching, Laughing

I feel like I am stuck in a bad episode of Super Nanny.

Could it be the episode with the out of control tantrums?

Could it be the episode with the five year old that still uses a pacifier at night?

No, I have lived through the tantrums and the pacifier withdrawal. Those I could handle.

No, this episode finds the Yonekura household plunged into the harsh, cold reality of life with a jack-in-the-box. You know the type. Out of bed every few minutes for an hour or more with a whole lists of wants and needs and you-gotta-hear-this-right-now-before-I-forgets.

I am sequestered in the catch all/ computer room, waiting and trying not to lose my temper. The last thing we need right now while Sophie is sleeping so peacefully, so quietly is shouting and tears.

I wanna poke my head around the corner. I wanna open his bedroom door, but I am afraid of what I will find. At least, for now, he is in his room and quiet. Simple math, or is it wishful thinking?, tells me that :
In his room (plus) quiet (equals) sleep.

Now, how long do I have before his cold feet find their way into my bed ?

Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today, I became a mother.
Three years ago today, I saw your face for the first time and cried with happiness.
Three years ago today, you came into my life and made it better, richer, deeper, more meaningful.
Three years ago today, I feel in love at first sight.
Three years ago today, we began learning together.

Happy Birthday, Bailey Boy.
I love you!

Don't Rush It

I was getting a little impatient. It was the fourth time Bailey had called me back to his room.

The first time, he asked, "Is this blanket clean? It smells good."
"Yes, it is. Good night."

The second time he asked for another blanket.

The third time he asked me to take one of the blankets off.

The fourth time, I was starting to think that this might be nature's way of telling me I needed more exercise. Back and forth from the living room to Bailey's room and from Bailey's room to the living room.

"What is it now," I snapped.

He mumbled something.

"What? I can't hear you," I said my voice getting louder by the second.

Louder this time, but the words weren't clear.

"Good night, Bailey," I said and turned to close the door.

"You didn't say love you," I heard the sadness in his voice.

I lay down beside him, pulled him close and kissed his forehead. "Love you, Bailey."

"Love you, Mommy."