Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Until I Get There. . . .

Under the biggest cherry tree in the park, I sat watching Bailey attempt to ride his bike and Sophie filling an empty bottle with dirt in an attempt to make chocolate milk. The park was crowded with families, blankets spread on the ground, enjoying the warm weather and the beautiful cherry blossoms.

A mother pushing a newborn in a stroller rolled past us and before I even had time to think, I turned to Hubs and asked, "Do you want to have another baby?"

For months, I have been wanting to ask him this question. Something always held me back though. I think that because deep inside, I already knew what his answer would be. On the day, I finally got the courage up to ask him, his silence confirmed my fears.

My head understands all the reasons against it- money, living space and the like- but my heart still aches for the baby that we said good bye to almost a year ago. I can't help but think that we are supposed to have another child. Or, should I just be content?

I do have three children. Just not all here together. With all my heart, I believe that I will see my third child again one day in heaven. Until I get there, I know that my sister will take care of the baby for me.

1 comment:

Kim said...

My heart goes out to you. And, I too believe that your sweet third child is in heaven being well taken care of and loved until you get there.