Thursday, July 20, 2006

Blowing In The Wind

I don't function well under pressure. I like it all to run smoothly and go off without a hitch. I don't like running around like a chicken with my head cut off, wondering where is this, when did you say that, no way that wasn't LAST Wednesday. If I could I would glide through eveyday without my feet ever touching the ground, without ever amking contact with stress, pressure. I would arrive at the end of the day smelling powder fresh and feeling as though I had accomplished everything on my to do list. I wouold never even break a sweat (gross, I hate being all hot and sweaty.)

Lots of people talk about the benefits of routines or schedules for children especially toddlers and babies. This helps them feel safe and secure in knowing whatthe future holds. When Bailey was little, I always felt bound, bored by doing the same thing, the same way day in and day out. But now that Sophie has been added to the equation I find running to the store on a whim nearly impossible and having a schedule more and more crucial. I don't think I could cope with the pressure if it weren't for my schedule. For knowing that both kids will be in bed by seven thorty no matter how rotten the rest of the day has been. Knowing that a bubble bath, a few chapters of my book and a cup of tea will be my reward at eight for having made it through.

I believe that Bailey feels the same way, a kind of security blanket that no matter what happens there will always be an afternoon snack, stories before bathtime and hugs and kisses before bed. Sophie even seems to benefit from it. She goes down for naps so easily and calms down as soon as she hears the water running for her bath. Nice and comfy.

So, where in all the comfort did I become lazy? Where did I become forgetful? I have gotten behind on housecleaning although I wash dishes and do laundry everyday. I have bought presents but haven't sent them out yet. I have put friend's e-mail addresses on my computer but haven't written the first e-mail.

I guess our schedule has swung my hammock in the breeze of life and put me to sleep.......

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