Monday, January 25, 2010

Try, Try Again

In my head, I keep hearing that old phrase that goes something like, "Love them the most when they deserve it the least" and "The one that is being naughty needs your attention the most." I know this. I believe it with all my heart, but knowing and doing are two different things.

The last couple of weeks have been pretty rough around here. For most of his life, I have struggled with Bailey's behavior- the acting out, the fighting, the hitting, the anger that sometimes seem to pop up out of nowhere. We have tried lots of things- rewards for good behavior, time outs, a star chart, making sure he gets enough exercise and enough sleep, trying to eat a well balanced diet (but, also, making exceptions for birthdays, holidays and once in a while treats), fish oil, special one on one time with mommy or daddy and I could go on and on. . . .

Something will work for a little while and then it is back to square one.

My reactions to some of the things that Bailey does, I am sure do not help. Yelling, a swat on the tush even knowing I am just making things worse. I am at a loss. I know that the current situation isn't good for any of us, but I am not sure where to go from here.

This post is so hard for me to write. I feel ashamed, embarrassed for not knowing how to deal with this. I feel like I have failed my kids, my family. I am tired, but I can't give up. "That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger."


Midori said...

Aw Trisha. I SO could have written your post. Joey's behaviour is somewhat challenging at times lately and I have been so frustrated and unsure what to do. My Mum keeps telling me it is because his father isn't around, whereas I think it is (for the most part) normal 4/5 year old behaviour, it is just VERY frustrating when you feel like you are doing something wrong.
Hopefully both our boys will get through this phase unscathed.. (((HUGS))) from me!

Heidi said...

Hi Trisha, I confess I have no logic/special reason for suggesting this and the last time I read any parenting book was 4 years ago - but my instinct says he needs a male role model outside of the family. How about joining the scouts? All the activities will focus him, keep him occupied and he will see how other boys behave and be influenced by them (hopefully, positively!). Plus there will be older boys/men can be his role models.

I remember reading that boys are different, they need male role models outside of the family (even if they have a Dad active in their upbringing).

Just a thought. Hope you find a solution soon!

yokohamamama said...

Hi from Yokohama--just found your blog from Bilingual Family. Sympathy and empathy all flowing your way!! Your oldest sounds like my middle (even has that little "Itazura" twinkle in his eye:)). I'm struggling with *exactly* the same issue right now. Is it me? Is it him? Do we just clash? Do I just need to shut my mouth more and quit nagging? Am I nagging? I'm reading through Positive Discipline right now (Jane Nelsen). We'll see how it goes. Am I consistent enough to make it work? Don't know. If anything works, I'll send it along! For now, just hang in there, I guess. Btw--I have to say, I am *so* impressed with the Kitty-chan o-bento!! I never had enough energy for much beyond tako-san wieners and usagi-ringo:)).

Amy O in Yokohama