Play-Do Meets Moon Sand
Thursday, July 16, 2009@ 10:53 AM
Labels: bailey pics, sophie pics
So Proud. . . .
Labels: bailey pics
From A Box
Tuesday, July 14, 2009@ 11:43 AM
Labels: bailey pics, sophie pics
We Made It
Monday, July 13, 2009@ 11:01 AM
Labels: bailey pics, family fun, sophie pics
Itty Bitty
Friday, July 03, 2009@ 3:43 PM
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We are going to be heading back to the States on Sunday and staying there for almost two months. I am trying to pack all of our stuff in just one suitcase (ha!) since it will just be me and two tired kids going through baggage claim and immigration before dashing to make our connection. America, here we come!
Labels: bailey pics, everyday, sophie pics
In Pieces Part Two
Monday, June 22, 2009@ 7:52 PM
The wind was blowing the rain sideways, so I stayed on the porch while Hubs brought the car around. It was like any other lazy Sunday spent at the parents-in-law's house talking and eating and watching the kids play. My sister-in-law (Hub's older sister) was cleaning out the front seat of her car and when she saw me she stopped and came over to talk."How are you doing?" she asked.
"I guess I am doing alright," came the automatic response.
"I want to show you something," she said reaching into her apron pocket. Showing the picture to me, she continued, "I was supposed to have a third child, too, but for some reason I lost the baby."
My eyes focused on the ultrasound photo, framed.
"You are the only person, except my husband that knows. Cry as much as you need to. Lean on those that love you as much as you need to," she said, her eyes brimming with tears, "It's been more than seven years since I lost the baby, but not a day goes by that I don't think about it."
Lost for words, I just starred at the picture.
"You'll be okay, but you will never be the same," she said and the honesty of her words, suddenly made me look away.
"One day at a time, that's the best you can do."
And, then Hubs was there with the car and it was time to go on with life.
Labels: in pieces, the hard stuff
Parkin' It
Labels: bailey pics, family fun, sophie pics
In Pieces Part One
Thursday, June 18, 2009@ 12:53 PM
*At the beginning of March, Sophie and I had colds that just wouldn't stop so we went to the doctor to get medicine. Before writing out my prescription, the doctor paused and asked me something he had never asked me before, "You aren't pregnant, are you?" I answered no, but a few days later when I still hadn't gotten my period, a little stick would prove me wrong. I stopped taking the cold medicine.*This pregnancy was far from planned. We had kicked around the idea of another baby once Sophie was in pre-school, but never really settled one way or another. I told Hubs that I was pregnant on White Day (March 14th). We both admitted that we would like another girl and I went to bed that night, happy and dreaming of tiny socks and gummy baby smiles.
*This pregnancy would be my last, I decided. Three kids. A family of five. Just like my family. Just like Hub's family. I would slow down and really enjoy this pregnancy. Savor it. I wanted the baby to be named after my older sister who passed away a little over a year before. I wanted to honor her, to let her know that she would never be forgotten. I felt like it was all coming full circle.
Labels: in pieces, the hard stuff
In Pieces
I always carry a little notebook in my purse. To jot down appointments, for grocery lists and menu plans, to help occupy the kids with a game of tic-tac-toe while we wait for the doctor or the bus. But, lately, that little notebook has become something else. A place to go when I feel overwhelmed or sad or just simply, don't know what to do. As you can probably guess, most of those feelings are centered around my miscarriage.I could keep all of those feelings hidden away in that little notebook, tucked away in the darkness of my purse, but I want to share them here. I want to do this not for sympathy, but for healing.
Most of it will be disjointed, little snippets of the time before, during and after the miscarriage. Feel free to read or not, to comment or not.
Labels: in pieces, the hard stuff
I Found Your Picture Today
Thursday, June 11, 2009@ 8:52 PM
Today, while straightening a few things around the apartment, I found a few ultrasound pictures. I remember marvelling over them with Hubs and the kids, noticing the little changes from one picture to the next. And, then, there was the final one, the one taken on the same day we scheduled the surgery. Even then, it still looked like a normal, developing baby- except for the heart that stopped beating, there was nothing to point to, to say this went wrong or that hadn't developed properly.That same day the last ultrasound was taken, the doctor said that, if we wanted, we could find out through a series of tests,why I had miscarried. I immediately turned to my husband and shook my head no. I didn't want to know the reason. The reason didn't change the fact that our baby was gone. The how of it, I thought, would do nothing to ease the pain.
Almost a month later and it still hurts. It hurts to see a pregnant woman. It hurts to see that pregnancy magazine that I bought when I first found out I was pregnant. It hurts when well meaning friends glaze over the whole thing instead of asking how I am doing. It hurts to talk about it, but it hurts even more to try to brush it under the rug. I can't forget. I don't want to forget.
Labels: the hard stuff



